Although we have fostered only one little girl, I have gained a deep perspective on foster parenting. A “sometimes, maybe, but forever” type of perspective. It’s odd to tell people something along the lines of “I’ve had a toddler before”. I’m sure most people would probably just assume that my toddler grew up, but there is so much more intertwined into that statement.  Same way I can imagine foster parents presently recounting experiences of taking their kids to soccer practice or meeting with their teachers, but with a heavy weighted past tense. 

How strange it is to still be a young couple yet feeling like empty nesters. How strange it is to be back to a life without small feet running around. I have never been pregnant, but I know the anticipation of having a child coming your way. I know the anticipation of knowing if it will be a boy or a girl. However my anticipation is just a little bit different, as I don’t know how many, what age this child(ren) will be or even when they will get here! Further still, while couples can have a rough idea of what their child will look like, we literally have no idea. 

After our little girl was reunited most people were silent on the matter. Usually not bringing it up unless I did, which I understand and I think is a wiser choice than trying to strike up a conversation about it. However, there is something about at least acknowledging what has happened that I think is important. Otherwise, we invite an elephant to the room. The best approach in my opinion (and which some people did and I deeply appreciate) was to simply say a few words of acknowledgment and leave it open ended. Something along the lines of “I know (child’s name, in this case Melody) was reunited, I’m here if you want to talk about it” or “Hey, I’m thinking about you, this must be difficult for you guys, please count on me for anything” would be appropriate. Small gifts, cards or texts are appreciated as well, any kind of intentional acknowledgement is better than shifting glances and heavy silences. I can only speak from my point of view of course, as I’m still learning about this whole realm of fostering. Still, I figured it was important to share these things as hopefully, I won’t be the only foster parent you meet, and you will have some food for thought to bring with you when you meet others.  

*****

I have a child, sometimes. 

I change diapers, sometimes. 

I tie shoes, sometimes. 

I meet with teachers, sometimes. 

I go to Frozen theme birthday parties, sometimes.

I play pretend, sometimes. 

I read bedtime stories, sometimes. 

I drive to sport practices, sometimes. 

I help with homework, sometimes. 

I have a child. Sometimes.

*

I’m having a girl, maybe. 

I’m having a boy, maybe. 

I’m having twins, maybe. 

I’m having an infant, maybe. 

I’ll get to adopt them, maybe. 

They’ll go back home, maybe. 

I’ll meet their family, maybe. 

Maybe.

*

Yet I love, forever. 

I care, forever. 

I cherish, forever. 

I learn, forever. 

I am grateful, forever. 

I am changed, forever. 

I’ll be attached, forever.  

I love. Forever. 

I am a mom, forever.